20 Aug 42 Office Conversation Starters

1. Do you think birds should vote? Me neither.
2. Did you know American cheese isn’t really cheese? It’s people.
3. Did you drop this? holds out jellybean
4. Just wondering what your favorite Coldplay song is. I’ll wait.
5. Do you mind if I paraphrase the title of a New York Times article I read this morning? I only read the title but I feel smarter for it.
6. I need to show you some baby photos! opens Google and searches “baby photos”
7. I have a confession to make. Sometimes I get a whole footlong sandwich and I say “I’ll save this for later,” but I’ve never saved it for later. Not once. I’ve scarfed down all twelve inches of sandwich, every time, consistently, in one serving.
8. Do you have a blanket I could borrow? This office is very hot for some reason.
9. That’s an awful nice office chair you’ve got over there. flashes $1 bill
10. I named all my office plants after the women mentioned by name in Lou Bega’s Mambo No. 5. Would you like to meet Rita?
11. Have you seen Ernie Hudson lately? He’s still my favorite Ghostbuster.
12. Have you fallen down recently? The ground seems a lot harder than it used to.
13. Do I have anything in my teeth? puts in fake vampire teeth
14. You strike me as a Boromir kind of guy. No, wait. Legolas?
15. This week, I’m watching all the M. Night Shamalan movies all the way through. I can’t wait until Avatar: The Last Airbender
16. So anyway, my collection of Pokemon cards isn’t rare, but it is extensive, which should count for something.
17. Sometimes, when I’m grocery shopping, I like to pretend I’m racing all the other customers in the store to get my groceries. It’s significantly easier than addressing my own problems.
18. I’m finally doing it. I’m voting third party this year.
19. The average human body is about 60% water. More like 61%! dumps water on head
20. What’s your favorite Borat quote?
21. Do you guys have a preferred citrus fruit? Mine is tangerine.
22. Pretty sure this water is supposed to have cucumber in it. I’ll email Rick about it.
23. Until I was 23, I thought the Gettysburg address was a mailing address in Pennsylvania.
24. Have you guys met my cool friend, Brody? puts on backwards hat and sunglasses
25. Do you guys want to be on my podcast? We’re rewatching every episode of Entourage and discussing it for two hours. We currently have no advertisers.
26. I really like that shirt. Do you want to trade?
27. Did you guys hear about Kevin? I think he’s really cool, pass it on.
28. Phil Collins? The drummer for Genesis? Has he even done anything since Genesis?
29. If you’re coming to my barbecue this weekend, do you mind bringing food? Yes, all the food.
30. Do you guys want to meet my pet alligator? pulls out sock puppet with googly eyes
31. What do you guys usually bring to polo matches?
32. Did you guys know the Beatles broke up? I was just starting to like their music, too.
33. It’s so nice to meet you. All your co-workers have only said terrible things about you, so it’s nice to put a name to a face.
34. Where do you guys usually go for lunch around here? Eww, gross, I would never eat there.
35. So, I’m getting my yellow belt on Friday night, and it would mean a lot to me if you could all be there.
36. How do you think they make string cheese?
37. I think I’m going to open up a t-shirt business called “Long Island Iced Tees,” and I’ll ship out all the t-shirts in styrofoam containers with dry ice so they’re cold when they arrive. Where’s everybody going?
38. I think Jim and I are wearing the same tie today. We’re gonna have to do something about that.
39. If you could have lunch with any person, real or fictional, who would you go with? I’ll go first. It’s Garfield.
40. I’m not so sure about this new guy. It’s me. I’m the new guy. Nice to meet you.
41. Do you guys think I could pull off this Fedora? I already know the answer, I just want to hear it from you.
42. If I show you my new Chewbacca costume, do you guys promise to stop using my half and half for your coffee?